Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Moving on...



Humans like to stick to things the way they are and probably I am no exception. Perhaps there  are people who like to try new things but even those people always content that there is something stationary in their life that they can hold on to. I think we all want to be secure about something in life; things that are concrete and will hold no matter what. Unfortunately, for people like me that’s just about everything – a pen, a house, an office or a relationship. I end up thinking it will be forever. I end up thinking that things will hold even if they are destined to end. We just have to learn how to move on with life. 

We have been in this office for 5 years now and it seems so ours. We know everything about it. We know where the white board is, where the coffee maker is, where my desk is and more importantly who the people inside it are. We feel so comfortable in this place that we don’t think twice about entering it. When we are not in the office, we miss it. We think of returning to it over and over again even if it a lot of times pains us when things don’t work. When there is too much noise and when whatever we try, we can’t fix issues with it. When we are disappointed with everything that there is. When we give up and hope things will be better tomorrow.

But it’s not always the bad things, there have been moments where I have enjoyed a lot. The joy of returning after a vacation, the joy of seeing familiar things. But you get the idea.
Now we are moving…. We have to. .. some of us have moved on. But I am still here ..waiting for some call from someone telling me to move on. I don’t know if I am ready or not. But I guess this has to happen. I just hope its all ok on the other side….

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Deep Slumber

Disclaimer: This post is a forced post which my inner self has forced me to undertake because of the deep slumber that I apparently I am in (although I won't think if it in that way ..it's the time taken to ..how do you say it..ya..get inspired)

This post comes after a gap of like 2 months. Well in reality, a lot more than that (as the previous post was ready a long time back..was just lazy to press publish button). The thing is that I have been thinking about it for a long time and ya it's not that I don't have the time..But I just don't have the time...confused? join the group. I am too.

Writing a blog shouldn't be tiresome? right? But I guess if you just want to say some random things without any basis or without proper research, it just highlights your ignorance and laziness.

I can't deny that there weren't many interesting topics to rant about : the movie lucy, the pre-registered studies, the Susan Greenfield controversy and a lot more. And indeed there were a lot of interesting discussions on all of these issues (which also sort of dissuaded me from writing on them - "like m going to write better than that??? huh").

Well, it seems that this entry has become a sort of justification for not writing on the blog. Probably, it is. But I think the more important thing is that I write and write something meaningful (for may be a distinct alien in the future to read!!).

Saturday, October 18, 2014

The uncertain past : The confessions (p4)

This is still fiction. Resemblance is still coincidence. 

When I breathed in, I was sure I was in heaven. Mostly because I believed I was a faithful follower and I can't be in hell. Also because of the soft music playing in the background. But my worst fears came true when I realised the panic sounds that were becoming more and more prominent. I still felt too far away from the sounds. My body still felt like a petrificus charm was on me. But I was sure I still had a beating heart in me. I could hear it now.

I was now a regular at understanding black outs. I don't know if it was a great thing that I could think. But I guess that would be necessary for the people working to still keep me alive.
I need to confess my excitement of thinking about the idea of out body experience. I wonder if I'll have one. I had the funniest idea. Probably the least I could do to change the mood.

I don't remember being one with a funny attitude. Although I now hope I was more open to ideas and fun things. It's so strange how petty things seem now that I think about the fights that used to drive me insane. I think about them now and assure myself that there was nothing I could have done at that time. But probably I was wrong and I could have changed the things, something to make it work, something to make it better.

I realize I never said "I love you" to a lot of people. I was always so scared and now when I am, you know, like this, I feel I could have used the words more often. What bad could have happened? It always felt like my heart would explode even if I though of saying that. I remember the times I found out how despised I was and how people used to think about me - cold and distant, arrogant and self-absorbed. I died a little inside that day.


Creating a desktop configuration for neuroimaging analysis

Recently, I had to place an order for a work desktop (and of course you all know that I work with neuroimaging data). So, I had to specify the minimum requirements that I needed in the system. Anyone who has done something like this before would understand the complications (and the joy) associated with this. 

There are a number of parameters to choose from especially when you don’t have a very strict restriction of money. This is complicated by the fact that there are no guidelines that tell you how to proceed. Since, I went through this (and had nothing else to do), I decided to write this post about how I went ahead with the specifications.

Note: Following are mere guidelines!!

First of all, you need to ask certain questions.
1.      Type of work: What kind of data processing do you require? Does your work include basic fMRI processing (resting state and task related), structural analysis, DTI analysis or connectivity analysis etc. Certain kind of analysis would require more processing and RAM while others don’t. My work involves basic task related analysis of fMRI data as well as some structural analysis.

2.      Amount of Money: How much money are you allowed to spend? This might sound trivial, however, money is a very big constraint and you would preferably try to reduce the costs (I will give both high end as well as less expensive options both of which should work fine).

3.      Assembled or not? Do you have the required technical skills to assemble a desktop from basic parts? In most cases, this may not be valid, as most of you would have a purchase/technical store that would get assembled computers from manufactures. Getting an assembled configuration gives you lesser choices but is already optimized by the provider company so that you don’t have to worry about compatibility issues.

So here are my recommendations. I believe it’s always better to get a system better than your current requirements (as they are sort of investments and are not bought frequently). 

The three things that you need to pay the most attention to are : CPU, RAM, Graphics card. 

CPU: There are two major providers of CPU- Intel and AMD. I personally don’t have experience with AMD processors. Intel produces a large variety of CPU processors and there are a number of them to choose. The most famous being the i series processors for laptops and desktops. What you should prefer, however, are the Intel Xeon processors. These are workstation processors designed for stability and continuous work (which I believe most of the neuroimaging folks would relate to!!). Xeon processors are classified according to the series (no surprises there!!). E5 I believe are the latest (as of March 2014). CPU benchmarks (passmark) is a great tool to know how the processor you have chosen performs compared to other processors in the market. You should also check their price performance (compared to price how good they are).

My choices for the CPU:
3.      Intel Xeon E5-1650 @ 3.20GHz
4.      Intel Core i7-4930K @ 3.40GHz

RAM: RAM is a critical component of the system and you would require lots of it especially for neuroimaging analysis!! Generally, the more the better. A RAM of around 16 GB (preferably divided as 8x2 or better 4x4 ) should work for most of the analysis. Also, it’s important to get the latest and the best in the technology. I would suggest getting DDR3 (third level of RAM technology) at 1866MHz. 

My choice:
1.      16 GB DDR3 1866MHz

Graphics Cards: Many researchers would say that graphics cards are not necessary component of a neuroimaging system.  However, recent advances in image processing and use of heavy visualization softwares requires using atleast a mid level graphics card. It’s important to note that while many of us would be tempted to get the best graphics card from GeForce or Tegra or Tesla (mostly so that the system can satiate our gaming needs as well!!) , Quadro are the preferred graphics cards for neuroimaging analysis. These are designed to be workstation graphics cards and are stable and can work continuously for hours.

My choices:
1.      NVIDIA® Quadro® K2000 2GB GDDR5 CUDA core
2.      NVIDIA® Quadro® 2000D
3.      NVIDIA® Quadro® 600, 1 GB, 96 CUDA cores,

There are other requirements that are not so critical like hard disk, operating system, monitor. But they depend more on your preference. I would recommend 2 mechanical Hard disk 1TB or 2TB each (SSDs are new, not so stable, have had issues with Linux!!). I personally prefer Ubuntu 12.04 (Long term support) and  a high resolution 23 inch (1920x1080) monitor.

I took considerable help from these additional resources:
5.      http://cpuboss.com/


Rejections and applying

I think its one of those times that the emotion component takes the better of you and you just find yourself wondering why, why does it feel bad? You know all the logic in the world says something else. You can defend others' actions, understand why did they do what they did. You clearly understand why you feel what you feel but you can't just help it. You feel something just because you feel it - your mind seems to have renounced all reason and become a slave of your emotions.

You know that it just doesn't matter! It is never going to affect you but just because you expected it to happen, you feel bad about it. And you start questioning everything in the world, think of everything in the most negative way.

Why should it matter?

Well by now you must be wondering why this rant today?? Well, I have been applying for a PhD position and as any student who has ever applied for such things (except for some lucky ****) would tell you, rejection is way of life and totally inevitable. What this leaves you with is momentary highs and lows, some cases of incredible joy (wow this guy replied!!!) and other points of depression (I am totally not worth. what am I even doing?? Right choice of career???), but mostly depression.

I think it's a excruciating experience but it is something that people have to go through. No matter how sugar coated the rejection might be "I believe that you are an exceptional candidate with your extensive research experience", "Your CV looks very impressive", "We were all extremely impressed by your application", "I have confidence that you will find a PhD position where your skills will be an outstanding asset.", "I wish you all the success in future studies", it still a rejection and you are left with daunting task of starting all over again and look for other opportunities (Not that I suggest that language of these should change to "Your CV sucks", "I don't think you'll be able to get any position"). It's just that it feels bad and you don't need to be in this field to agree that rejection does hurt especially if you have worked hard for it. Unfortunately, all you can do is sulk, take a deep breath and write a blog about it.....