This is fiction. Although resemblance to actual life events may not be coincidental.
There I was lying on the ground, facing the dark, star-lit sky above me. For a moment it seemed as if there was no end to the sky. The air was cold and smelled of grass. My head was spinning round and round. I could hear each and every breath I took in. As the time passed, I realized presence of other individuals near me. I turned to see some people lying just like me on the ground. I would have felt scared but I was too weak to move or feel anything. I had no idea where I was, what time it was, how long I had been there or who I was! My thoughts were on and off. I backed out and came back to life every 5 minutes or so. After every black out, I felt more and more aware of myself. I realized I had no clothes on me. I tried to move my legs and my arms, but they felt so heavy as if someone had put heavy boulders on me. My head felt like 20 kilos. The only thing I could move were my eyes but all I could see was an open sky and a grass field, my naked body and some bruises on it. I tried hard to think about things but I failed every time. A sharp pain would every now and then tell me that there was something trying to escape my head as if it was trapped in it. After trying for 10 more minutes, I gave up.
It was morning now. I felt better than the last night. I felt I had limbs attached to me. Although I could now move my legs and arms, my head was still heavy. My voice was still falling me, but I realized that a cry would make no sense either, there was no one to listen to it for miles may be. I felt like Jesus on the cross, stabbed and stuck to the cross. I felt I could feel the same pain. I recalled all the movies that had portrayed the pain of Jesus and all the movies about people trying to feel the same pain. I wish I could divert my energy of thought to moving my limbs, but it seemed futile to try. I remembered now how I had once wished I was never born and all the times I had prayed to be dead. Probably, this was the answering of those prayers. Even though I had been a strong believer in God, I always had the desire to be free of the pain and suffering which strangely only I could see and feel. To others, it was just a show or a display of my innermost desire to gather attention. I went along with the second idea and accepted that as the truth of my life. I probably had no choice as I didn't have it right now. But I guess I had accepted my failure of control on events in my life.
I didn't know when I blacked out again. It was probably evening now. Sometimes the thought of someone rescuing me came to mind and I tried to think who would be worried about me. I came up with a bunch of names but no one I thought would be looking for me. I personally would not want anyone to rescue me. I don't know whether it was because I wanted to die or I was unconsciously trying to hope someone would look for me.
I lost my thought there. When I came back to my senses I felt I was being moved. I heard some human voices. They seem to fade in and out. But I guess it was too late. I felt something release from inside and a deep breath out.
There I was lying on the ground, facing the dark, star-lit sky above me. For a moment it seemed as if there was no end to the sky. The air was cold and smelled of grass. My head was spinning round and round. I could hear each and every breath I took in. As the time passed, I realized presence of other individuals near me. I turned to see some people lying just like me on the ground. I would have felt scared but I was too weak to move or feel anything. I had no idea where I was, what time it was, how long I had been there or who I was! My thoughts were on and off. I backed out and came back to life every 5 minutes or so. After every black out, I felt more and more aware of myself. I realized I had no clothes on me. I tried to move my legs and my arms, but they felt so heavy as if someone had put heavy boulders on me. My head felt like 20 kilos. The only thing I could move were my eyes but all I could see was an open sky and a grass field, my naked body and some bruises on it. I tried hard to think about things but I failed every time. A sharp pain would every now and then tell me that there was something trying to escape my head as if it was trapped in it. After trying for 10 more minutes, I gave up.
It was morning now. I felt better than the last night. I felt I had limbs attached to me. Although I could now move my legs and arms, my head was still heavy. My voice was still falling me, but I realized that a cry would make no sense either, there was no one to listen to it for miles may be. I felt like Jesus on the cross, stabbed and stuck to the cross. I felt I could feel the same pain. I recalled all the movies that had portrayed the pain of Jesus and all the movies about people trying to feel the same pain. I wish I could divert my energy of thought to moving my limbs, but it seemed futile to try. I remembered now how I had once wished I was never born and all the times I had prayed to be dead. Probably, this was the answering of those prayers. Even though I had been a strong believer in God, I always had the desire to be free of the pain and suffering which strangely only I could see and feel. To others, it was just a show or a display of my innermost desire to gather attention. I went along with the second idea and accepted that as the truth of my life. I probably had no choice as I didn't have it right now. But I guess I had accepted my failure of control on events in my life.
I didn't know when I blacked out again. It was probably evening now. Sometimes the thought of someone rescuing me came to mind and I tried to think who would be worried about me. I came up with a bunch of names but no one I thought would be looking for me. I personally would not want anyone to rescue me. I don't know whether it was because I wanted to die or I was unconsciously trying to hope someone would look for me.
I lost my thought there. When I came back to my senses I felt I was being moved. I heard some human voices. They seem to fade in and out. But I guess it was too late. I felt something release from inside and a deep breath out.
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